Fear & Selfishness

This morning I have decided to continue with my analysis on fear. I think it’s important because we are truly living in fearful days and even I, as I type this am tempted to hide under the covers all day in the hope that I will wake up and the world won’t be as disastrous as it is at the moment. But we all know that hiding does nothing, it just creates more fear of the unknown.

one-of-the-greatest-diseases-is-to-be-nobody-to-anybody

Fear is debilitating, we know that. It can cause us to do things, say things, and make decisions based on it, that could otherwise ruin our lives. But you know what else fear is? Fear is selfish. Fear only thinks about how things would “feel” like to you for the majority of the time.   I have spoken with people who are afraid to do things, or reach out to others and what they say is always so similar: “I’m just afraid that I…”, “I’m just afraid that they will tell me“, “I am afraid that I will fail” but see for that moment, when those first words are uttered there is no instant when they think about the things on the other side of their fears. They don’t think about the people who will be blessed if they reach out to them, they don’t think about how much the world can gain from you trying, and sometimes they don’t care about the feelings of the other person, who just wanted them to give them a chance. Fear becomes more important, because fear focuses on terrorizing you. It’s a battle with yourself, and it becomes entertaining to wallow in the self-pity of everything you’re afraid of. Often times those same people are the ones that hide behind multiple excuses. They are somehow eternally “not ready” for whatever it is. Fear makes you think you have to be ready, when reality shows you that no one else is. What is being ready? I like to look at the dictionary for answers sometimes:

READY: adjective
  1. 1.
    in a suitable state for an action or situation; fully prepared.
    “are you ready, Carrie?”
    synonyms: prepared, all set, setorganized, in a fit state, equipped, primed;
    2. More willing or eager to do something.
    “she is ready to die for her political convictions”
    synonyms: willing, prepared, pleased, inclined, agreeabledisposed, predisposed, minded, of a mind, in the mood, aptpronegivenlikelyMore

I like both definitions included in these, but what I do consider is that very rarely do you find both in combination. You can be suitably prepared for action, you can be equipped, prepared, primed, organized all of that stuff, but strongly lacking the will and mood. You can have the willingness, you can feel that you are inclined, that you are pleased, but be completely lacking in the proper organization. This applies to almost everything in life. Even with something as big as parenting. I don’t have any kids and I’m no expert on how people feel when they’re going to have them or anything, but I have seen, spoken to, and asked a lot of couples about their feelings when they’re about to have kids, and the battle of fear is always evident. One of the parents may be ready in the organization and ‘suitable state’ area, while the other feels that they are emotionally willing, happy and pleased to delve into parenthood. But usually, they don’t match up on everything perfectly. Although the mother may be ready to dive into the strong loving emotions of motherhood and nurturing, she may not be physically ready to handle sleepless nights and lack of time for herself. Although the father may feel organized and prepared financially, he may not know how he will feel when the child arrives and constantly needs attention, or how it could affect their relationship as a couple, etc. The conclusion I’ve drawn is that no one is ever ready. Not fully ready.

Fear plays the biggest part in this, because once again, all of the things that make us not feel ready make us fear. Fear that we are not good enough, that we are just not enough, and it’s a lie that if we buy into now, we will buy into for the rest of our lives, and as a consequence, we will do very little with ourselves. Think about it like this, many people are afraid to go on a mission to help someone, and most of the time it’s because they feel inadequate. But do you think you will be inadequate to the person who is receiving any kind of help from you? Do you think someone in need will look at you and say: “sorry, you’re not good enough to be giving me food and shelter, I need someone better.” These are all lies that we believe and they make us selfish. Sometimes our fear of getting hurt makes us even the most selfish. I’ve been more hurt by people who are afraid of getting hurt than anything else. Because having fear makes you do stupid things, and make stupid decisions. I have had people push me away for fear that I would hurt them, but see, they were so concentrated on “protecting” themselves that they didn’t see how much they were hurting me. They were so keen on looking to themselves and their lack of “readiness” that they didn’t see anyone else in the picture, fear (once again) makes us selfish.

I don’t know what you’re afraid of today, I’m afraid of all sorts of things. But one thing I have been taught by my mother is always to do things afraid. I do things afraid, I do them anyways, because you know what you do have to fear? Is losing chances, and the fact that life is really too short. There are a lot of fears I have yet to conquer, but what I do strive for, is not to be so fearful that I only think of myself, that I end up hurting other people in the process. Don’t cease to make important life decisions because you are afraid (you will always be afraid) even after you make them, you will probably still be a little afraid, but you will have made a choice. Don’t push people away because you are afraid that they will hurt you, by doing that you will hurt them, and as life will have it, it will hurt you making your fears a reality. Fear is selfish, and as long as you live your life fearing what will happen to you, you will never think about what could happen to others.

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